The debate as old as time, what the hell is an Oreo? Those who conform to society’s standards will all agree that an Oreo is a cookie. Unfortunately, for them, they’re extremely wrong and here’s why
sandwich
noun sand·wich| \ ˈsan(d)-ˌwich two or more slices of bread or a split roll having a filling in between
Merriam-Webster has made this argument nice and simple for me. A sandwich is defined simply as two or more slices of bread with a filling in between and if I’m not mistaking, that’s exactly what an oreo is. Although an oreo is on two biscuits or crackers, to each their own on that, very simply put, try to convince me that an Oreo is not a sandwich.
Can anyone point out the difference between these two American classics for me? Anyone?? The reality is, there truly is no difference, but the only debate regarding a PB&J and Oreos is which makes the better dessert. I mean that completely, because some people love to dunk their Oreos in a tall glass of milk, and don’t get me wrong, that was a top 5 taste of my childhood, but PB&J dipped in milk? That hit differently. The way the milk would soak into the white bread was truly mouthwatering. So much so, you wouldn’t even be licking peanut butter off of the roof of your mouth. The creaminess of the peanut butter was softened even more, to the point where I liken it to a baby’s bottom. And the jelly? Don’t even get me started. Whether it grape or strawberry, the jelly becoming even colder was something spectacular. Plus, the milk had a little bit of PB&J taste to it as you would finish your glass of milk. However, this was only a summertime or weekend type of event. I couldn’t let the kids at school actually know how much of a psychopath I really am by opening my milk carton open all the way and fingering the fuck out of it with my sandwich. Not once did I order carton’s of white milk for school, what was I, poor?
These were so bad, I nearly cried
The reason I bring this whole debate up regarding why an Oreo is a dessert sandwich is because of the time frame. Going to a relatively small high school with nothing but guys, our conversations never really strayed too far away from sports, dick jokes, whose mom is hot and dumb debates like this. In all honesty, this probably was a top 3 stupidest thing I’ve ever argued, but no argument like this ever lasted this long. The debate began right as March Madness ended and we all bitched and moaned because the kid who never watched any games won the bracket pool. We’d have a pool with about the 60 or so kids in our Honors program so we’d be able to shit talk each other all day every day as the kids who thought they’d actually win because they “paid attention” automatically meant they’d win. It helped, but we all know it, some undeserving fuck wins the bracket pool each and every year. This debate will always hold a special place in my heart for three major reasons. Number one, it’s a quality conversation starter. Based off of how a girl answers the question I’m able to tell if I’d be willing to marry you instantaneously. Obviously, my stance on the position changes almost every time I ask the question. Secondly. it reminds me of where I come from. Nonsense and obnoxiousness are encouraged where I’m from and this one checked off both of those boxes. No one who is completely sober comes up with these arguments, then again, not many kids my age were sober doing the school day. Lastly, it reminded me of my staggering intelligence. I was one of the very few people on the dessert sandwich side of the debate, or should I say, the correct side of the debate. Not only that, but I was right when kids going to some of the best engineering schools in the country, pre-med, physics, and chemistry majors all said Oreos are cookies. Although an Oreo’s packaging reads “Sandwich cookies,” they’re wrong. Shame on the STEM Superstars for trying to use logic and common sense, I think they just couldn’t cope with being proved wrong by a kid trying to become a Finance major.
Life at the Inn 